I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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