what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
