We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
