You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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