Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
