I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
