I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
