Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
