im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
