I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
