At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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