I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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