My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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