Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
