He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
