hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
