It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
