I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
