you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
