i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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