I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
