True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
