Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
organizing the empties. That sober.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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