I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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