so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
