Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
