Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
