I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
