nut hugger
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
