dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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