Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
