I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
