i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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