i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
