there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
