sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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