Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
