mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
