try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
