I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
