you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
