so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
