you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
