Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We need a shit load of segways right now
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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