I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
