You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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