she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
