She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
