Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
