I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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