Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
