How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
