i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
