i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
