rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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