It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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