Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
