No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize